Who’s In Control

By Stephen A. Luther | Blog

Mar 04
called to thrive - mixer

called to thrive - mixer

Who’s In Control?
God wants to give you his full blessing but first see how Christian Counseling can help you give him full control!

If you are like me, the more you try to be in control of things, the more out of control things become. Unfortunately I’m stubborn and often this just leads me to try to control more and more until I realize I am getting nowhere. Only when I get to the end of myself do I realize that the only real control is from God. I don’t gain self control until I give God full control!

The need to control in our flesh starts with a feeling of being out of control. This is that “I’m not ok” feeling we have which leads us to try to manage things the best we can. The more powerless you have been in your life, the stronger your need to regain control will be. This is why people who are hurt very deeply often struggle with control issues such as addictions or eating disorders. What is your “I’m not ok” feeling about? Who hurt you? What are you going to do about it? If you want to begin the healing process, read on and consider giving us a call to help you on your healing journey.

Our flesh/natural self hungers for control. Our flesh will endlessly compare ourselves to others or some imagined standard to determine if we are okay and in control. If we don’t measure up or don’t feel satisfied we try one of three things. We can choose to remain “out of control” and look for sympathy for being the victim of some real or imagined injustice. Often times this is accompanied by out of control behaviors that are ultimately self destructive and are attempts to either control our circumstances or other people. These are the other two categories of control that our flesh uses to try to regain a sense of control.

Attempts to control our circumstances and details of life I call “obsessive control.” This involves active and passive attempts to manipulate what is going on in our life to try to feel in control. A obvious example of this is someone with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). A person with OCD will engage in a variety of obsessive behaviors such as hand washing or checking door locks with specific rituals that have to be adhered to specifically for the behavior to provide momentary relief of anxiety. Another example of this type of control would be addictions; if the addict has what they are addicted to they too have a momentary sense of being okay or in control. These are examples of active attempts to control but perhaps even more frequently people will engage in passive or avoidant attempts to control. The classic example is the procrastinator who falsely believes that if he can just avoid some responsibility he will be ok. Someone may even be very responsible in other areas of life, but has taken on the belief that one specific area of life needs to be avoided. Ultimately none of these attempts work and the person is just spinning their wheels and never really grows or gets better at feeling in control.

The other form of control the flesh uses is controlling others. In the extreme this is the abuser who creates an inflated grandiose self image that gives them a feeling of entitlement to use others as they wish. This entitlement involves a sense that other people deserve what they get because the abuser deceives himself into believing that the other person is to blame for everything. However, to a less extent people control others all the time in more subtle ways. Do you ever manipulate people to get what you want or become passive aggressive about something you disagree with? These are also attempts to control others that ultimately only leave us with momentary satisfaction.

These ways in which the flesh attempts to be in control ultimately offer no real control in our life and any control we believe we have is an illusion. The only solution to our lack of control is to give God control. Just as the Bible teaches that if we want to find our life, we have to lose it (Matthew 16:25) and if we want to be strong we have to be weak (2 Corinthians 12:9-10), we must give up control to gain control. Only when we surrender completely to God and walk in the spirit do we gain self control (Galatians 5:22-23). Psalm 46 teaches us that we need to cease striving and know that He is God. Striving is what we do in the flesh to try to control things that leave us with only an illusion of control. Whereas when we cease striving and surrender to God, we gain real control as we walk in the Spirit.

Are you ready to have real control in your life? Do you want the kind of control that leads to true contentment and empowerment? Only God can offer this type of control. At Grace Wellness Center, we help people identify and remove the barriers to having true freedom in Christ. Once they find this freedom they realize that for the first time, they are able to truly be in control and no longer have to strive after the illusive control that the world promises but never delivers. Can we help you find this control in your life?

At Grace Wellness Center, the invitation is open to every heart that has been broken…Let us help!

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